There are nights after my husband and I get the boys into bed we look at each other and one of us will say, “They have no idea what we go through.” We are usually referring to something that occurred regarding disability or a medical need. And it usually includes something pretty harrowing or disgusting for the average household. (Or both, more on that later.) But in our house, it’s the norm.
During one of my late night blog writing sessions I couldn’t sleep I was having a little pity party about no one knowing what we go through. But the more I thought about it I realized that maybe no one knows what we go through but I have no idea what they go through either.
My sister has always been waaaay smarter than me. She is not just smarter than me, she is smarter than most people. She works in a field that few can pronounce let alone understand. I often have people ask me, “What is it again your sister does?” What must it be like to deal with things that are so far above the average population, or below average in my case? (Don’t argue, GPA’s don’t lie.) It makes it difficult to talk to others about what she deals with during the day if no one can even understand what she does, I would guess. I have no idea what she goes through.
My brother is a pastor. He carries the spiritual, emotional and physical needs of so many people on his heart and mind. He is bound by a promise to these people and God to keep these very private needs to himself. I have no idea what he goes through. And on a lighter note … he minored in English in college. Every time one of my blogs comes out he has the burden of reading it and knowing in his highly educated brain that I have absolutely no idea WHERE THE COMMAS GO!! Yet, he keeps this burden to himself each time. I have no idea what he goes through.
I sat in church last week, looked around at people I sit with every week and and thought again, they have no idea what we go through. There isn’t anyone that knows when we get puked on five nights in a row because this is how my youngest deals with EVERYTHING. Puking. (More details to come). Or when we’ve been up checking blood sugar several times a night for nights on end. Or the Target incident. (Wait for it.) I started looking at my fellow church members and wondered if they have the same thoughts. The people who come without spouses … Those few public school boys are dealing with very difficult temptations; drinking, drugs, porn … The older lady sitting next to me who has slept through most of the service … I have no idea what any of them are truly going through.
“The Target Incident” as it will forever be referred to in our house … Target. It is almost the only place on the planet we ever go as a family. Shopping, Friday night entertainment, it is it. And by Friday night entertainment, what I mean is WE ARE THE ENTERTAINMENT! On this particular Friday night my boys were having a grand ole’ time together, which is kindof new and exciting. I’ll skip to the fun … our youngest is puking (refer to above paragraph about his puke response to everything), I mean more puke than I knew could be in his tiny body puking, all over him and me and the floor. Evan, our man/boy with intellectual disabilities, thinks this is somehow his fault. No matter how hard we try we cannot make him understand he had nothing to do with it and everything is okay. He starts crying and it leads to his violent meltdown. Here we go again … and I’m still in a heap of puke. Yep, the entertainment. Did I mention we were in the farthest location in the store from any exit? That’s always how it is, am I right? I make may way to the front carrying the 4year old to tell them “Bio Hazard Clean up in aisle 599“. Both of us covered and dripping in puke. So many stares. Meanwhile, my husband is dealing with his own kind of “Come to Jesus” moment as he tries to find someone to get him out a back exit while he is being bloodied, pinched, bit, and beat to a pulp. And praying they don’t break any $5000.00 TVs on the way out either because this is the way the naive, young girl led them out the only back exit. (Really, Target? Only one rear exit? Sounds fire hazard-ish.) So no, there are very few people on the planet who have any idea what we go through.
But thankfully, for you and for me, there is a God that knows exactly what each one of us is going through. He was also beaten and bloodied. His beat down was so much worse than what my husband and I go through during a special needs violent rage. And it was because of my sin. When my son has a meltdown one of the things I think of is Christ’s words upon the cross, “Father, forgive them. For they do not know what they are doing.” My son has no idea what he is doing or how to stop himself. We have to wait for it to subside. How often does God wait for me, I wonder?
And I am so thankful that I know a God who does know exactly what you and I are going through.
Bible Verse I’m Loving Today: