Trusting God in the Hard Times

You know the Hillsong United song, Oceans, right? We all know it. We love it. We sing it with gusto. I mean, what’s not to love? It’s anthemic. It’s Hillsong. It’s the beautiful voices (and to be imitated dressers) of Joel Houston and Taya Smith. Let’s look at a few of the words.

“You call me out upon the waters – the great unknown where feet may fail … And I will call upon your name – and keep my eyes above the waves … Your grace abounds in deepest waters … where my feet may fail and fear surrounds me … Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders … take me deeper than my feet could ever wander – and my faith could be made stronger – in the presence of my Savior.” [Songwriters: Joel Houston, Matt Crocker, Salomon Ligthelm © Capitol Christian Music Group]

Beautiful, right? No doubt. I could sing this song all day long. But have you listened to what we are actually singing?! Let me paraphrase. It’s a song about asking God to lead us into the deepest depths of the ocean, where we cannot reach the bottom with our feet. They are dangling out there where the sharks and jellyfish can get them. And, did I mention sucking both air and saltwater while sinking? While all this is going on, the song wants us to keep our eyes above the waves.

What Am I Singing? THIS is the place my trust is made stronger. This is where grace abounds. Out in the deepest water with fear surrounding me is where I have just asked God to lead me? I don’t think I want to sing this song anymore.

We got one of those phone calls this week. The kind of phone call that no one wants to receive. The phone call that made us realize we are being led into deepest waters where our faith will be made stronger.

When you have a child with special needs and the diagnosis just keeps getting harder it is difficult to see God’s purpose. It was mentioned to us to think eternally after this diagnosis. Meaning, think bigger than the here and now. Okay, so my gut reaction was – Heck, No! I don’t really want to think eternally. Because that means I have to think of this life coming to an end someday. I have no desire to let go of my child. But remember, I already sang to God asking him to lead me where my trust is without borders. Well, here we are. I’ve never been in these waters before. I have no choice but to trust His plan and purpose. And I would bet that plan is eternally bigger than this life has to offer. Like it or not.

Trusting God in the hardest times is Hillsong’s Oceans come to life. Here I am in the deepest waters. (I’m in deep, no doubt.) I’m calling on His name (Rom.10:13). I’m resting in His embrace (Psalm 62:5). I’m hoping He helps me walk upon these waters; wherever he calls me. And my faith will be stronger for it (Rom.5:3-4).

 

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When You Lose All Control in this Special Needs World, Where Do You Turn?

I am a bit of a control freak. Shhhhh. Don’t tell my family I have admitted to this teensy flaw. Just because I like things to go my way a good deal of the time doesn’t mean I’m controlling. I’m just usually right, right? (This makes sense in my head.) So when it comes to illness in our house, I take control. We DO NOT want sickness in our house. Sickness is bad in anyone’s home, but in a special needs home? It is The Devil. Sickness can bring down the almighty routine faster than any other change. Sickness means medicine changes, food changes, sleep – what is this sleep of which you speak? Sickness can mean doctors or even worse, a midnight run to the hospital. So when I say I am a control freak, with illness, I take the bull by the horns.

So when I was the one who walked right in the front door with the whopper of all illnesses I had nothing left to control. I had taken all the precautions, Lysoled all the door knobs, coughed into all the inner elbows (a.k.a. Chelidon or cubital fossa), sent everyone the CDC flyers on why they should get flu shots (oh yes, I did), I might have even resorted to those new fangled essential oils. But what happens when I get sick, when I bring that devil right into my house? Bye-bye, control.

What do we do when illness comes knocking and we’ve done all we can do? What do we do when a diagnosis even worse than expected comes to call? Sometimes it seems our special needs kids get heaps upon heaps of one more thing. Just when we think they couldn’t possibly have another diagnosis, they do. To whom do we turn when we’ve done all we can do? When you lose all control in your special needs world, where do you turn?

Maybe I never had control to begin with, ya’ think? I like to believe I had total control, but I think we know who controls this outcome. I can spray, diffuse, inoculate  or duck and cover all the day long. But when the day is done, I have to let go and give control over to the only one who ever really had it to begin with. He is my refuge and strength, my armor and protection. He tells me to not dread the disease that stalks in darkness or the disaster that strikes at midday (Psalms 91). If I hold this promise true for me, then I hold even tighter to this truth for my child in his many needs.

How many times have I read the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego (Daniel 3)? You know the one? Spoiler alert: they are saved from the fiery furnace. But go back to the beginning, where it says, “The God we serve is able to save us…but even if he doesn’t…we will never serve your gods.” They knew God could do it, but still may choose to not do it. Yet, they gave God all the control. They got in that furnace fully knowing God may choose to not save them. (Thanks, MercyMe for the new look on this old story.)

What furnace are you in today? When you finally lose all control in your special needs world, where do you turn? To whom are you giving control?

Me? I give God control … aaaaand then I take it back again. It’s a tug o’ war battle I’m constantly losing. I lost all control this week. God made it pretty clear this special needs walk has nothing to do with how many door knobs I wipe. So, I’m giving control back to Him for a while.